The Oklahoma Eagle

By Donald Lee
Guest Columnist

The last time I wrote on marriage, some sisters e-mailed me, wanting me to write about what the brothers must do to get a godly wife. I dealt with women (first) because women tend to be more up front and outspoken when it comes to what they want — marriage. But here’s something geared toward the brothers who are believing God for a wife.
The Lord put it in my spirit to go ahead and write this column. I guess you could call this a premarital checklist.
As you know, Scripture commands us to call those things that be not as though they were. As this Scripture relates to you: Right now, you’re not married. But go ahead and speak that godly marriage into existence. Conduct yourself as though you already are married.
Live your life as though the Lord has already set His seal on your marriage, or your marriage to be (Matthew 25:1-13). The key, the Lord wants you to know, is in your being prepared for when that woman of God, that God-sent help meet comes your way. Like the return of Christ, you don’t know the day nor hour. So be prepared for just in case that day and hour is at hand.
When your bridegroom comes (in this case, the wife God has for you), you ain’t got time to go and race off to buy no lamp oil (figuratively speaking, of course). You ain’t got time to be unprepared, in other words. You must already be prepared or you will miss out on that destiny that the Lord has prepared for you.
What God wants YOU, single man, to do is renew your mind daily (Romans 12:2) and make sure “Your a husband first” (again, figuratively) before you get married. Far too many Christian brothers don’t want to get themselves right “First.” They want to get married first, but then after that, their emotions and own personal will over-rides God’s will and they wind up with godly wives but end up treating them like the plague.
To be married is to “First” die to self. Die to him first. Then live Christ’s life. I’m sure you’ve done that. But daily, die to self. The problem with far too many marriages is that one person is crucifying his/her flesh daily to live as Christ would have him/her to live in a marriage, while the spouse, on the contrary, walks around as if he’s or she’s already arrived and doesn’t need tweaking.
That brings hell into a marriage. When you read Ephesians (chapters 5 and 6, dealing with how to live married), you see where Scripture tells the woman to “Submit” to her own husband (Ephesians 5:22) as unto the Lord. That’s true. But some brothers have a tendency to think that that Scripture is just for the woman. Though it doesn’t say it per se, that Scripture “Also” means for men, husbands, to “Submit” themselves unto their wives as unto the Lord. Same thing.
And if you think it ain’t the same thing, I double-dare you (married brothers) to disregard the things that are of concern to your wives. See if you don’t place yourselves under God’s Judgment. Life will overpower you, overtake you, if you don’t submit “Yourself” to the cares of your wife. That’s exactly why in the 21st verse of this chapter, “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God,” is included in Scriptures.
Too many husbands think: “She has to submit’ to me! She has to obey me! That’s what the Bible says!” And that nasty attitude, in turn, sends a telegram inviting temptation into that home, in that marriage.
Just as sure as a man under appreciates his wife, there’s two or three unmarried brothers who are just waiting to be her number one cheerleader (and vice versa, I must add). I don’t think enough men really understand that this is a spiritual warfare, not one against flesh and blood (Ephesians 6).
At any rate, the woman has to submit to her husband. And the way to please God is to please Him through respecting the husband and taking care of him (Even when she thinks he’s undeserving). And, at the same time, Proverbs 18:22 says, Whosoever findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.
So, if you’re not married yet (or remarried yet) it’s taken you a while because God wants to make sure that you will know what to do with a God-sent wife when He sends her.
Just make sure that you, single man, are ready to die to self and treat your soon-to-be misses right, as Christ loved the church. If that woman of God loves shopping or sewing quilts or just simply talking about the day’s events, and you can’t stand neither, make it a point to ask the Lord to give you the desire and passion to be a master at what she likes.

Donald Lee may be contacted at donjlee@bellsouth.net